By Joe Kukoyi
In recent years, a quiet but persistent question has echoed across Nigerian homes, classrooms, religious spaces, and online conversations: are Nigerian parents still raising children, or merely providing for them? This question is not born out of nostalgia alone; it is shaped by visible changes in youth behaviour, shifting moral boundaries, and the evolving realities of millennial parenting. While no mainstream publication bluntly declares that “Nigerian parents no longer raise children,” reputable news outlets, academic studies, and social commentators consistently highlight the same concern which is the widening gap between parental expectations and parental responsibility, especially in an era where discipline is increasingly replaced with indulgence or silence. This, to be honest, is a lot but let's see if we can take it one step at a time.
Historically, Nigerian parenting was deeply communal and expectation-driven. Children were raised not just by parents but by extended family, neighbours, teachers, and religious leaders. Respect, discipline, and accountability were non-negotiable. Parents were firm, sometimes excessively so, but expectations were clear: children understood boundaries and consequences. Today, omo, "na reverse, pull over" like Kcee said in one of his songs. That structure has weakened. Westernisation, urbanization, economic hardship, migration, and the breakdown of communal oversight have placed the full burden of child-rearing on parents who are themselves overwhelmed, underprepared, or emotionally absent. While this may be true to a large extent, the deliberate eradication of discipline in schools has worsened it and this is courtesy of irresponsible parents who keep pushing back on measures teachers take in correcting them. According to "The Guardian" and "The Nation", religious leaders and education stakeholders interviewed in their reportage said that many parents now outsource parenting to schools, churches, mosques, or worse, to the internet. And ironically, when schools attempt discipline, parents push back. When teachers complain, parents accuse them of being too harsh. When children misbehave publicly, excuses are made instead of corrections. It is this push back that extends to the breakdown of communal oversight that isn't there anymore, birthing the rising concern over youth involvement in social vices like drug abuse, cultism, cybercrime, sexual exploitation, violent behaviour, etc
Come to think of it. Did you know that this poor parental supervision and home training resulting in this nonsense shift is particularly noticeable among millennial (1980s) and Gen Z (1997 downward) parents?--- a generation shaped by economic instability, digital exposure, and rubbish global parenting philosophies that are wide apart from our cultural practices. You know, funnily, many millennials grew up under strict, sometimes authoritarian parenting and vowed to “do better” by being more understanding and emotionally available to their children. While this intention is valid, the execution has often tilted too far into permissiveness. In trying not to traumatize their children, many parents avoid discipline entirely. Boundaries become negotiable. Correction is postponed. Harmful behaviour is explained away as “expression,” “phases,” or “modern times.” Oshisko!
Academic research conducted in Nigerian universities, published in peer-reviewed journals show that permissive and inconsistent parenting styles are associated with higher levels of adolescent misconduct, poor academic performance, and weak emotional regulation. Adolescents who lack clear structure at home struggle with authority, delayed gratification, and accountability. These findings mirror what teachers and school administrators report in real life: students who talk back without restraint, resist rules, and lack self-discipline not because they are inherently bad, but because no one consistently corrected them early enough. Reputable blogs and parenting platforms such as "Smart Parenting Nigeria and Parenting Hub Africa" have also documented how many Nigerian parents unintentionally normalize behaviours they once condemned. Drinking underage at family events is laughed off. Explicit music and content are consumed openly in homes. Disrespect is excused as confidence and high-self esteem. Early sexual exposure is ignored rather than addressed. When consequences eventually arrive like expulsion from school, police involvement, public shame, parents are shocked, even though the warning signs were long present.
Economic pressure further complicates the issue. Many Nigerian parents work long hours or multiple jobs to survive inflation and unemployment. In the process, emotional presence is sacrificed for financial provision. Phones, tablets, and television become surrogate caregivers. They become influenced by online communities by absorbing global cultures, street tradition that conflict sharply with family values rooted deeply in Nigerian moral expectations, creating confusion and rebellion. Another layer of the problem is parental hypocrisy. Parents demand discipline from children while modelling indiscipline themselves. They shout rather than communicate. They lie casually, bypassing rules, or glorifying wealth without integrity. Nigerian youths are perceptive. When values are preached but not practiced, respect erodes. Children raised in such environments learn performance, not principle.
It is also important to acknowledge that this issue is not unique to Nigeria. Parenting debates across the world reflect similar struggles. However, Nigeria’s strong moral, religious, and cultural foundations make the contrast more striking. A society that once prided itself on “home training” now grapples with its absence. Elders lament that children no longer greet properly, while younger people complain that parents no longer listen or guide. Both sides are reacting to a breakdown in intentional parenting. What reputable Nigerian commentary repeatedly emphasizes is that parenting is not friendship, silence, or convenience. It is active involvement, uncomfortable conversations, consistent correction, and moral leadership. Effective parenting does not mean returning to abuse or fear-based control, but it also does not mean condoning harmful behaviour in the name of love. Balance is essential: warmth without weakness, freedom with boundaries, and empathy paired with accountability.
Let's face it, the consequences of neglecting this balance are already visible. Rising juvenile crime rates, declining academic discipline, mental health struggles among youths, and increasing reliance on external correction systems all point back to the home. As many social analysts argue, a society cannot be morally stronger than its families. This is a call to duty. A call for parents to reclaim their role not just as providers, but as guides. To talk, to listen, to correct, and to model the values they expect to see. Because children are not raised by intentions alone; they are raised by daily, deliberate actions. In the end, love will be expressed in ways that truly prepare children for life, responsibility, and society.
