Looks and Attraction: Why Women Prefer One to the Other

 

By Ayomipo Akorede 

Let’s face it: in the era of Instagram reels and Snapchat filters, it’s easy to think that women are obsessed with looks. You’ll hear men say, “If you don’t have muscles or a full beard or get game, forget it.” But that’s only one side of the gist. The full story is far richer and funnier than that. Just because a woman appreciates a nice jawline doesn't mean she’ll date someone who talks about himself in the third person or sends “wyd” texts at 2 a.m.

Yes, physical appearance does play a role just like suya spice plays a role in how you enjoy the meat. But what really makes women stick around goes beyond good genes and gym routines. In fact, science says attraction isn't all about looks, and real-life experiences back it up. You can be fine like three people and still get ghosted if your personality is flatter than fufu without soup. Lol.

Imagine this: Bisi meets a guy named Tobi at a wedding. Tobi’s got the “tall, dark, and handsome” checklist on lock---dude’s even wearing a native that fits like destiny. She’s instantly interested. But ten minutes into the conversation, he’s bragging about how many followers he has and calling himself an “alpha male.” By the time jollof rice is served, Bisi is already texting her friend, “This one no get sense oh.” That’s the thing! Looks can only get you through the door. What happens when you get in? A 2014 study in psychological science confirms this. In speed dating experiments, people were initially drawn to physical appearance, but over time, personality traits like warmth, humour, and emotional intelligence became stronger predictors of attraction. The same way you might pick a restaurant because of aesthetics but return for the food, women are drawn in by looks but stay for what’s beneath the surface. One of my experiences sadly corroborates this assertion anyway.

And it’s not just a “some women” thing. In a landmark 1989 study across 37 countries, psychologist David Buss found that women consistently prioritized ambition, emotional stability, kindness, and financial responsibility over raw physical looks. That’s not to say women don’t appreciate beauty (who doesn’t love eye candy?), but when it comes to choosing a partner for more than just Instagram photos, deeper qualities matter more.

Let’s not forget real-life examples. How many times have you seen a couple and thought, “Wait, how did he get her?” And before you judge, know that she’s probably dating a guy who listens to her, supports her career, makes her laugh, and knows how to cook small rice  even if he looks like your average Danfo conductor. You can’t build a meaningful relationship on abs alone. Abs won’t help you solve conflict or remember her birthday.

What many men confuse as a preference for “looks” is often a preference for what those looks represent. A clean haircut, a well-fitted shirt, and smelling like something other than body spray from 2011 signals self-respect, effort, and emotional maturity. In fact, a 2019 study in evolutionary psychology found that women rated men who were well-groomed and stylish as more attractive even if their actual facial features weren’t model-level. So when she says she likes “fine boys,” what she may really mean is, “I like a man who takes care of himself.”

But in today’s swipe-first dating culture, it’s easy to believe the myth that only good-looking men succeed. Pew research reports that 71% of online daters prioritize profile photos first. Of course, that makes sense when your entire impression depends on a screen. But offline, in real life, the place where real relationships grow, women often develop attraction gradually. A guy she wasn’t initially drawn to can become irresistible over time if he’s emotionally intelligent, attentive, and consistent.

Just ask Chioma who used to call her now-husband “just a friend.” He wasn’t flashy, didn’t drive a Benz, and wasn’t on any “fine boy” leaderboard. But after months of late night gist, showing up when it mattered, and being emotionally available, Chioma found herself catching feelings. Today, she calls him “my peace.” Meanwhile, the fine boys from her past ghosted her the minute she brought up serious commitment.

At the end of the day, attraction isn’t static. It grows. It deepens. And it outlasts even the finest of faces. Women aren’t ignoring looks — they’re just not worshipping them. The truth is, you can be handsome and boring, fine and flaky, beautiful but emotionally bankrupt. And that, my friend, is where many men miss the mark.

So if you’re worried that you don’t look like an Instagram model or you haven’t unlocked six-pack achievements yet, breathe. Focus on being emotionally intelligent, driven, kind, and authentic. Because while looks may hook her interest, it’s who you are that keeps her around. And no, being a “nice guy” isn’t enough either. Be interesting, be real, and for heaven’s sake, stop asking her for her body count on the first date. Well, I hope get past this one. Lol.

In conclusion, women don’t prefer looks over attraction. What they prefer is a complete package and for most, that package is more than just skin-deep. So polish your shoes, groom your beard (or don’t, just make it intentional), and show up with confidence, wit, and empathy. Trust me, that’s the real glow-up.