Flashes

 

They say your life dances before your eyes just before you die, mine flashed.  As someone kept checking for my pulse, I knew I didn't want to die now. Not even before these neighbours that had pushed my family aside while battling for my life. A cold hand hit my chest and I suffocated the more. What are they doing, compressing my chest? They did that once. Twice. And again. And I suffocated the more. Releasing the fists, they tilted back my face and i flowed the more. They were blocking the passage but I had to go.

I was touched again but I was beyond feeling now. My body felt like a log as the violent event that had happened before I found myself in the open, amidst everyone, became vivid before my eyes. I felt my bones break, I didn't want to experience the pain any longer but they kept coming in flashes.

This morning, Maami said she would come back soon. It was Mope's birthday tomorrow, she would be 11. Tomorrow was supposed to be the first time she would be celebrating her birthday. Her day coincided with our father's demise. No, he's still alive. He died only in our minds. He ran away from the hospital after Maami was delivered of another baby girl. The third girl in five years.  Ever since, our mother was quick to tell anyone our father was dead.

This morning, Maami said none of us should step out of the one room that housed us. It might rain again she warned. She told Solape to keep an eye on her younger ones before stepping out of the room but minutes after Maami left, Solape told us to stay quietly in the room because she had to go wash our clothes in the backyard and would be back shortly.

This morning, it had rained heavily. I loved running in the mud and still waters. I had wanted to tell Mope to let us dash out quickly before Solape finished washing the clothes. No, Mope would not agree, she would not do anything to let Maami change her mind about tomorrow. She was eagerly waiting for the new dress mother promised.

This morning, I had made sure Mope wasn't watching before opening the door. It creaked, I stopped. Mope was not looking; I ran out. Just as I stepped out, it started raining again.  Playing in the rain for few minutes would not harm, I assured myself. I heard Maami's voice saying it was dangerous out there. What does Maami know about the joy that comes with being in the rain? I ignored her voice. Solape pleaded that I should come inside, I looked around, she wasn't there. She really wasn't there. So I continued splashing water on myself. Everything was different, I was the only one outside. All the kids my age loved to play in the rain. We would play till our mothers or older ones came to fetch us. Usually, Solape and Mope would come for me but this morning, none came. The heavier it rained, the merrier I got. The heavier it rained, the muddier and softer the land got.

It would no longer be morning now. Solape must have finished washing the clothes. She must have warmed the leftovers from yesterday too. She must have entered the room and met Mope sleeping. She would have tapped her gently and asked where I went. Mope would look round, point to the chair opposite hers and say I was sitting there. She then would scoop a little food for Mope and tell her to eat while she quietly would leave the room to search for me.

She would go outside, she would not see me. She woild only see flowing heavily to the river which is a stone's throw from where she stood. She would not know I was under the water. Calling Mope. Calling Maami. She would go back inside, she would go to our neighbours' rooms, knock gently on their doors and ask if I was with them. They would tell her they had not seen me today. They would all come out to look for me. They would check everywhere, my name would be called by different voices: Ojuolape! Ojuolape!! Ojuolape!!!

Maani would be back now, she would see everyone from afar. She would gently walk her way through the water by parting her legs and taking each step carefully. Solape would run inside to pick the longest stick she found. She would stretch it towards Maami to aid her walking. Maami would be wondering why everyone was outside. She would be jolted out of her thoughts by hitting her left foot on something. 

Maami had hit me with her foot and my body felt numb. Oh Maami! Maami would let go of the stick Solape gave her. She would bend to feel the object she hit. She would wonder who had dumped a sack of refuse in the flood. She would then touch my hand and scream. She would let go of the polythene bag in her other hand. The bag containing Mope’s dress, fish, peppers, vegetables and crayfish would drop out of Maami’s hand and float on water and its contents would join later. Mope would hear Maami’s scream and run out of the room. She would see her new dress dancing atop the flood and burst into tears. She would not know in minutes to come, she would cry the more. Anyway, she would stop crying after a while, wouldn’t she?

Maami would bend to lift me up. She would scream the more. The older males around would dive into the water and carry me up. They would lift me up unto the veranda while the older ladies would hold Maami and assure her all was going to be well. One of them would carry Mope and rest her head on her bosom like a newly born child. Solape would be blaming herself for choosing that morning to wash our clothes. Well, that’s life I guess. 

They say that your life dances before your eyes just before you die. Mine came in flashes. Flashes that took me down the lane of memories. Painful memories I had long forgotten. Beautiful memories that brought relief. And the memories started and ended with the rain. Maami I’m sorry. Solape, forgive me. Mope, I would have loved to be the first to wish you a happy birthday. I just have to go now. 

And when another palm touched my head again, I let myself go.

AUTHOR: Oyindamola Ige