"I dìdn't stress my husband for unnecessary proposal," the Abels

Sense no cheap, it always comes with a price --- a price too step for many who refuse to learn through the curves. Does this make sense? Ok, look at it like this: love happens for everyone differently, yes but our aftermath choices are reflective of our experiences---how much pain we've experienced, what we tried that didn't work, how easy life has been, the people in our circles and their influences. 

Adebanke and Abel met on a fateful day. Her relationship had just crumbled but she wouldn't let go of the engagement ring that still helped to shield the behind-the-scene heart-shattering story and terrible questions her cheerleaders would ask. What happened next, how did Abel turn the table around? Oya read to find out. Enjoy!

Where did you meet?

Abel: In church 

Banke: In church

Who spoke first?

Abel: I did.

What was the first thing you said to each other?

Abel: She was in front of me and I noticed she had a particular video I wanted. So, I was like please can you share the video with me? I'd like to have it on my phone. 

Banke: My response was crisp and sharp. I just said okay, sure.

What was your impression of him/her? 

Banke: I didn't really like him at first because of my mentality about the jerrycurl hair he was carrying then.

Abel: I was a guest minister in the programme that day, so I sat few seats away from her like I said. It was her beautiful fair neck that first attracted me and I knew at that moment that the person with this beautiful neck must be gorgeous. So, when she eventually stood up with the rest of the crew to go sing, I was blown away by her beauty. 

At what point did you start thinking or sensing bro had a plan?

Banke: About a month or two after we met, when he started involving me in his chicken business and other personal aspects of his life

Abel: About 3 to 4 weeks after we met. I invited her over to come see me minister in a church programme I was invited to and she came even under the rain to honor the invitation. I stood at the entrance of the church when she alighted from the bike, with her clothes soaked and couldn't stop admiring her beauty. In short, I knew at that moment that she was already into me and it was time to strike.

What if you did and she said no? What if the signs were wrong?

Abel: I would have moved on. Because I know that I didn't get those signals that I got the day I met her just for fun. So, if it turns out that she wasn't interested in what I was offering, I would pitch my tent elsewhere. When I met her, she was engaged, an engagement ring was even on her finger but I didn't see it on that day. Had it been I saw it earlier on, I wouldn't have approached her. Inviting her over to the programme was just few weeks later, so our discussion hasn't gone that deep for her to tell me such sensitive information. Moreover, she thought I just came as an harmless friend, so her mind wouldn't have gone in that direction. 

Banke: Well, I don't think I would have said no though because I started catching feelings when I noticed how he was always there — present and attentive. He always have the right answers to my questions. He always know the right words to say anytime I'm down and immediately, I'll get switched up. Even till now in our marriage, over six years later, he still has the right words in his mouth to counter whatever fire that might be brewing inside of me. So, this amazing part of him softened me and opened my heart to him

At what point did you know she was and why didn't you stand down?

Abel: I got to know about her engagement when she came around for the programme, we spoke at length. I didn't stand down because I got to realize she was just wearing the ring in faith even though the relationship had been unstable several months before we met.

Why didn't you mention your engagement to him? Or you feared you might lose the connection that was growing between you both?

Banke: Never! I was actually not in the mood for a new relationship when I met him, I was still dealing with the new reality of my soon to be officially over relationship that almost everyone I knew, had a knowledge about because we did an actual introduction. So, I've made up my mind not to venture into any relationship for years until I've gotten my life sorted out to a point. I guess the ring or the engagement was off my mind anytime we spoke. But, I eventually let him in on the news when we met again at the programme. Besides, it wasn't a big deal to me, cause I already trusted him and I didn't care how he would react since I thought we were just close friends.

The day you/he proposed, what was going on in your head?

Banke: Propose? You mean the loud, unnecessary parties just for me to say yes? Nah! We didn't do that. We started talking about marriage during any of our heart-to-heart discussions when we knew certainly that we were meant to do life together. We both knew how we felt about each other and what we wanted out of our relationship and went for it. What is the need to kneel down to ask me before everyone again? 

Abel: There are some things that we got from other cultures, through movies, tour and travels that we consciously and unconsciously learned and made it our culture. It's fine for others to go on their knees to beg for a lady to be their wives, but my wife and I knew what we wanted and needed no delay in getting it. We only informed the important people in our lives that we are getting married and that's all.

How long did it take you to decide on his proposal?

Banke: The proposal didn't come in a formal gathering. He just mentioned how he was happy and ready to take our relationship to the next level during our heart-to-heart conversations. But, before we even started talking anything about marriage, I've prayed about what I felt for him and was at peace with him. We built things together and focused on other aspects of our life, so when the marriage talk started coming in, I know I'm already at my last bus stop. So, it didn't really took me time to let me know if I was ready to journey through life with him.

Abel: I was sure we would be together. We've come a long way together, we've conceived dreams and visions together and I saw how involved she was in what God has called me to do. If she was not willing to be mine, she wouldn't have gone that far with me.

At what point did you discover something interesting or striking about him/her?

Banke: The first time I visited him in his apartment and saw how unashamed he was about bringing me into his big apartment where he used two rooms to rear chicken and one for his personal use, I saw a visionary man who knew where he was going and was unapologetic about it and does not give a hoot about what anyone think, so far he gets to where he's going.

Abel: The first day she came to attend the programme I invited her to. She wasn't supposed to come because she's an introvert who so much likes her space, apart from that, she just came back from church that Sunday, she has not eaten or done anything for herself. But she came hungry, even under the rain to come see me minister, I noticed a selfless, beautiful and supportive soul in her.

How would you describe your first official date?

Abel and Banke: Date? (Both laughed) Our relationship is definitely out of the generic design of what relationship has been painted to be today. It's not only on dinner dates people get to know each other. Life is more than that. If I can remember correctly, I think our first official date was me taking her around my apartment to see what I was already doing and she sharing with me what she's doing and planning on getting into. 

Who argues more?

Banke: It's him o. (Laughs)

Who snaps more?

Banke: That aspect of our lives has been worked on and we communicate better now. We don't snap, we talk about whatever we are not cool with.

Who has more self and mouth control?

Abel: Both of us. It's all been to the glory of God.

Whose morning breath is worse?

Abel: I guess I don't even take note of that. (Laughs)

Banke: It does not really cross my mind because I don't usually take note of it.

What anonying thing did you discover about him/her and how did you deal with it?

Abel: I'll say it's the way she sometimes do things at her own pace which in return delays my plan for the day, either for church, office or a function but I dealt with it by constantly communicating with her with patience about how what she did made me feel and how it  eventually affected my plans for the day. She's indeed getting better at it but you know that women eventually must still delay us men.

Banke: I can't actually remember because if I'm not cool with something, it will immediately show on my face and affect my mood until he either notices or I bring it up to him. Immediately, he will apologize for the misunderstanding or explain why he did what he did. I'll just say we've been evolving and communication has helped us grow farther and better .