The Dynamics of Today's Romance: Deception and Sexual Love

By Olumide Labulo

Years ago, there was this new girl I went on a date with. I had thought the attraction was there and I stood a good chance of making her my woman. I knew I wasn't a player and I didn't have all the sweet words and phrases that could make her swoon with passion and grins from ear to ear. Since I was for real, I spoke without embellishments, hoping that my genuineness would count. Omo, I was wrong. The first thing she said was, "I thought you would sweep me off my feet with words", and then added, "There's a way I'm supposed to feel. To be honest, I'm not feeling it."  Walahi, I fold aje! 

In modern dating culture, there’s a sense that if the spark isn’t instant, the connection isn’t worth pursuing---a paradigm shift in today's romance cum a practice that pressures people to chase intensity and shallowness instead of depth or slow-burn attraction. For many millennials and Gen Zs, romance is a game where the better player wins. And since it is understood as such, different forms of deception like hiding intentions, in-person catfishing, emotional manipulation, etc. becomes the tool and skill needed to win at all cost. This explains why people can date for years without ending up together abi just few months self  and they are so detached.

For some, it's about sexual chemistry. People who see sexual chemistry as a shortcut to feeling fulfilled, wanted, and connected even if only for a moment or at the cost of their self-worth, prioritize it the most because of its powerful and intoxicating nature. Some even gullibly think it can tranform into true intimacy that is rooted in trust, respect, and emotional safety with time. No one is ignoring the fact that sexual chemistry is important and natural. However, should your love story be built on it alone rather than emotional resilience or depth  needed for long-term connection, it is nothing but mere fireworks. In fact, the most electrifying chemistry burns out after few months and you will be back to where you thought you left.

You see, the coexistence of deception and sexual love in relationships is a complex and often paradoxical phenomenon that can coexist because they are deeply emotional, primal responses of power, vulnerability, fear, and desire. Matter-of-factly, it is grey where sexual passion can ignite next to simmering resentment and where love walks hand-in-hand with deception. Haven't you ever wondered why many relationships that begin with intense attraction and emotional intimacy eventually devolve into cycles of deception, jealousy, and even hatred?