When love is not enough

The word “love” is the catch phrase many use to get the cookie as popularized by an American movie, Think Like A Man. Love can be so sweet and enjoyable. It can as well be so real and fragile so much that it can break or too hot that it can lose its steam in a twinkle and you’d wonder if it ever existed at all. "...In all sincerity, there is no generic definition to this…neither is there a one size-fits-all-approach to giving or getting it as such varies from person to person. However, we can say that it is a state of the mind that is affirmed by the awareness (feelings) of the flutters one experiences when thinking about or around someone".

The dating world

The dating world is always a mishmash of fun seekers or explorers or better put, gamers and genuine surfers of romance. It is a world where chasing after a woman has become an art—an art that has been mastered by many with dexterity, deceptive impressions and manipulative logic. It’s this mastery, believe it or not, that has turned many into fantastic gamers since the chaser and the “chasee” have considered it a game where the best player and not necessarily the most worthy wins rather than an expression of sincere confessions of the most heartfelt feelings.

In fact, Robert Greene in his book The Art of Seduction discusses in detail the personalities of these gamers ranging from the ideal lover who is an expert in reflecting a lady's  fantasy to the siren; then the rake--a great fantasy figure who goes all out to impress a woman, the charmer--a consummate manipulator, masking his cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort; then the star who becomes an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the star, etc. He also goes further to discuss the process of seduction to include choosing the right victim, approaching indirectly, entering their spirit, sending mixed signals, mastering the art of insinuations to a host of other mind-boggling tactics. For the love of humanity, why does chasing after a woman or man have to require so much and be unfathomably difficult?

Why love is not enough

For starters, love is not complicated like that neither is receiving or giving it to one's choice difficult. It only is when the people involved see it as a game that has to be played and won according to rules or when the features of the giver don't align with the psychology-- taste and mental picture (mostly fantasized) of the receiver's ideal lover. They call this individual preference, right? For instance, if Sikira desires a tall guy and a short guy with genuine intention shows up, the probability of him chasing after her twice as hard with no success is 95 percent. In the end, he only gets euphemistic replacements like “I don't have a proper answer", “I don't feel up to it", “I only find you enjoyable”, “I don't know what I want", etc. the girls of now have for NO. Whereas, the probability of her ideal lover with a gamer (chop and go) intention and act winning her heart effortlessly is 99 percent. 

Love is also not enough when prioritised values, spiritual or moral don't align (for those who know what they want anyway). Regardless of how much a guy professes his love, if his priorities like staying faithful in a relationship, etc. are world apart, then they won't work. 

Additionally, superficial yearnings and unrealistic expectations are common factors too. These ones are all about the peripherals like how a chaser is expected to chase and comport while being shit-tested, a killer body or stature, a good job, deep pockets, rich family, beauty, etc. In fact there are men and woman who deliberately scout for people who tick these boxes. Those who don't stand no chance with them.

A person's painful past may be another big reason why love may not be enough. Theirs is always a been-there-experienced-it-all kind of thing. No matter how hard a chaser tries, they are just too held back and too fearful to give love another shot. And when they do, it's never with their heart until they are completely healed.

Like someone once said, love is better enjoyed when it is shared with someone who enjoys being with you just as much as you enjoy being with them. And it is heavenly when it is commensurately received and reciprocated. I think this is just the summary of it all. Should you wait it out where it is not enough? It's your decision bro abi sis laik diz.

By Olumide Labulo